


What Could Have Been

by Chexie



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Angst, Denial of Feelings, Feelings Realization, First Crush, Other, This was supposed to be put up yesterday but I was too tired to put it here, big yikes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:20:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24522259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chexie/pseuds/Chexie
Summary: Goro had a bad track record when it came to friends, which is to say, he didn't have any.It wasn't to say he didn't want friends, he just didn't have the time or patience to seek someone out.So the last thing he had expected was for a potential one to come tripping over him in one of the most painful fashions possible.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Reader
Comments: 5
Kudos: 102





	What Could Have Been

Goro could only find himself absent-mindedly rubbing the back of his gloved hand with his thumb after he had told his newly assigned partner to take a look at the scene they had been given to look at.

He found himself thinking about it more and more lately, but he wasn’t entirely sure why. Though he still remembered it like it was yesterday. 

They way you had wandered into the cafe that night, almost as if you were lost. You had talked to the man at the counter for quite a while, asking if this was the only store of the chain in the area, if he recalled correctly. After you had gotten whatever response you were looking for, you politely bowed and tried to make your way to a table in the back.

You tried.

It just so happened that the bag you had slung over your shoulder was just low enough to knock over the Ace Detective’s cup of coffee.

His cup of piping. Hot. Coffee.

You were quick to pick up on what happened, trying your best to help clean up the table, while he had run off to the establishment’s washroom to cool the burn his hand sustained. 

The second he returned to his table, he found himself bombarded with apologies from you. He later found out that you hadn’t even registered _who _you had spilled coffee on, something he had found endearing, to a degree. You had even offered him a new one, if it would make it up to him.__

__Now, he had plenty of time to stew and steep potential anger. He had been holding the burn under water for almost 20 minutes, after all. But he didn’t. Of course, there were traces of a tranquil fury laced deep in his words, but he really tried not to let it show._ _

__You noticed, but didn’t hold it against him._ _

__What you also noticed was how long you’d ended up conversing with him. It was something that didn’t take long for him to pick up on, considering how your mood so suddenly soured._ _

__Against his better judgement, he asked what was wrong._ _

__You had explained that you had been set up on a date with this guy and he was supposed to have shown up over half an hour ago at that point. You were pretty sure he flaked, and you didn’t blame him for it. The next thing he knew, you were apologizing again, rationalizing that a stranger probably wouldn’t care about your personal problems, especially after scalding their hand._ _

__Yet he still let you sit at the table._ _

__He couldn’t put his finger on it. Maybe it was pity, maybe it was intrigue, though that seemed unlikely at the time, but most likely, he was just bored. Thinking back on it, he could only figure that it was a mix of the first and last, but upon further reflection, he only concluded that he had a quiet yearn for companionship on top of it._ _

__Generally, he tried to steer the direction of the conversation, as if he was testing you, carefully watching how you responded to his questions. The way your forehead would crease in thought or how your thumb would occasionally twitch as you spoke._ _

__Luckily, he found himself enjoying the night, despite the burn._ _

__What he really didn’t expect was that he would see you again, and so soon on top of that._ _

__Oddly enough, you’d seemed more shy about approaching him when you saw him again. His confusion only worsened it. Very quietly you explained that you enjoyed the time you spent with him so much that you were hoping you’d be able to talk again._ _

__Again, he let you stay at the table._ _

__While he had seen it as a mild inconvenience at first, he found himself appreciating it more and more as your odd spontaneity helped break up the monotony of his life, if only by a little._ _

__It was just over a couple weeks of this before you asked him if you could call him your friend and vice-versa._ _

__He had paused in thought for a moment when you had asked, and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t worried you overstepped your boundaries. After what had felt like an eternity, he had agreed._ _

__Both of you had started going out to places other than the cafe you were so familiar with, though his favourite places in Kichijoji and general walks were the most common ways you spent time together._ _

__Gifts weren’t a common exchange, but you had given him a sizable bottle of multivitamins, mentioning that with his busy lifestyle you wanted to make sure that he was still getting everything he needed. From what you’d seen, his diet seemed rather lackluster to begin with, but topping it with a full time job and all the stress that would induce seemed like a disaster._ _

__It was one of the nicest things someone had done for him, if he was being honest._ _

__He didn’t do much when it came to recounting personal tales, that was more up your alley. He’d heard a lot about the personal dramas you’d faced in school, ‘he saids, she saids’ and all that. If you ever asked him if anything was on his mind, he had always thought carefully about his reply. He had brought up things about his upbringing now and again, but more often than not, he simply flipped the question back to you. Sometimes you’d ignore the fact that he was deflecting, dropping the subject entirely._ _

__However, as the time you spent together increased, he found himself only growing more concerned with himself. He found himself relishing in the sound of your laughter, admiring the way your smile etched across your face, and finding your smaller habits, like the way you jutted out your bottom lip just a tad when you were in thought genuinely adorable. This wasn’t helped by how he noticed his chest begin to tighten when your hand ghosted just over his._ _

__It came to a point where he would go for a few days without even texting you, no matter how much you had asked what was going on, as if just ignoring the situation would make it go away. It didn’t. He had always come back merely days later, dismissing it as work. You accepted it, but only asked that he let you know if he could help it._ _

__It was something he soon found himself doing by reflex._ _

__He had decided that the only way to be able to calm down from his dilemma was to simply confess. Even if you had rejected his affections, he wouldn’t be mad; it would just be a better excuse to forget about it._ _

__There was just one teensy, weensy, itty-bitty niggling little issue._ _

__That was the news _you_ had for _him_ on the same day.__

______It was still cold as the air of February hadn’t quite warmed up to make way for the gentle warmth of March. You had told him about how your college plans had come through for you, and that starting the next coming spring you’d be studying across the country, over in Yamaguchi. He felt conflicted, to say the least. On one hand, no more you, which means he could just bury his feelings and never have to think about them again, probably forever. On the other, no more you. Your actual move was only going to be in the next coming day, with most of your belongings on their way to your new flat._ _ _ _ _ _

______His silence that didn’t let up had been making you worried, but there wasn’t really anything you could say to break it. You stood up from the bench you shared and briefly dug around in your bag, voice quiet against the crisp air._ _ _ _ _ _

______“ _I know this is late, but if I don’t give it to you now, I don’t know when I will. _”___ _ _ _ _ _

________He opened the small gift only to find just under a dozen small chocolates all neat into two rows. Slowly, he popped one in his mouth, noticing the subtle coffee flavour. Cute._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The awkward feeling never subsided. Conversations were never as intricate as they had been as of late. It was obvious he was trying to avoid the situation. In a silent, mutual agreement, you both decided to call it quits early._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“ _Will you be there to see me off tomorrow? _”__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________As much as it pained him, he said yes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He felt warm when he came home the next day. He spent the better part of the morning with you at the train station, you could tell he was trying to save face, but you were glad he was at least feigning excitement for you._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________You had told him the basic plan: You’d be train hopping around for a while, but come late evening a friend in the area would be driving you the rest of the way. At his insistence, you promised to give him a call as soon as you could. As your train pulled up, you had got Goro’s attention for just a moment before you caught his lips in a quick, chaste kiss._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________And just like that, you were gone._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He had felt dazed, fingers ghosting over his lips._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________It had felt just as nice- just as _right _as he had always imagined.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________When he got home, he could only chuckle to himself as he noticed the sudden barrage of texts from you he’d received just after the train left. Mostly just apologies about how uncalled for the kiss had been, how you had just been absorbed in the moment, and so on._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________That didn’t change the fact that your heart was racing a mile a minute for the entirety of your first train ride._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________It was that night that he decided to finally attempt to settle the waters. He had spent longer than he’d like to admit typing up an email- lord if he knew if you still had phone service way out there- laying all the cards on the table. How he found himself beyond infatuated with you, which was something entirely new to him, how he wanted to tell you everything and he wasn’t even sure why- he just wanted to, needed, even. That you made his heart race more than anyone else ever had. Coffee burns aside, even having you as a close friend would be all he needed, but being more would almost be too much for him to bear._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Though, he quickly realized something odd._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________It was late, beyond late. You said you would call when you got to your new flat._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Completely forgetting the email in the moment, he grabbed his phone and called your cell._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________It rang, it rang, it rang…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________And then to voicemail._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Well, that was fine, you probably just weren’t around your phone, that makes sense, you were probably just unpacking._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Of course checking the news probably wouldn’t…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Oh dear._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Goro quickly found himself hyperventilating as he found many news articles all within the past few hours. His stomach twisted as it became clearer that it was all for a train derailment, one of your trains. The reports of a handful of deaths did nothing to ease him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________It shouldn’t have been a surprise then when he finally had access to the police reports of the derailment that you were recorded as one of the few deaths in the accident._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He had just stopped functioning for a while. He became more and more of a recluse, barely even talking to fellow classmates or coworkers unless he was forced to. While he got to where he was going to be, climbing up the ladder of his career, something didn’t sit right. Perhaps it had to do with not having anyway to be able to share it with._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Just the idea of the world ripping away the only person he could confidently call a friend had driven him to such a bleak outlook so fast._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Though come to think of it…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He never did send that email, did he?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Uh, ...sir? Sir?” _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Hearing his subordinate calling to him, Goro had finally snapped back to reality, thumb still on the back of his hand._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Yes? What is it?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________They scrambled a bit with the points they had jotted down, shifting from heel to heel as they brought up each point._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Well, we’ve found some hair on the victim’s carpet that doesn’t match theirs in the slightest, and forensics did a quick run through and found some unidentified bloodstains and fingerprints around the scene of the crime.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Ah, alright then. Bring it to the station and we’ll see if we have matches for the prints.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Yessir!” They had sputtered out, almost a little too fast. “Uhm, by the way, sir…” Seeing Goro glance over told the younger investigator that his superior had heard their mumbles. “Is everything okay? You seem out of it today…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Hm? Oh, that? It’s…” He paused, looking away. “It’s nothing. Just thinking about what could have been, is all.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
